One of the lessons I’ve learned most as an editor (especially of my own writing/podcasting) is knee-jerk reactions and creating from a space of anger or extreme emotion is messy.
Not necessarily bad or good.
But messy.
If you’ve ever left a reactive comment on something posted on social media, and then deleted it afterward, you might be familiar with this.
A few years ago, I did a diet & weight loss podcast with a podcasting friend who was starting intermittent fasting at the same time I was. For about 2 years, we met weekly and went Live in our Facebook group to talk about our progress, then we’d release the audio as a podcast.
The show is called Hate to Weight — and for those following me now, it's less body-neutral than I am now. I rarely talk about intermittent fasting and intuitive eating, though I still do it for myself. At the time I was recording it, I was still dealing with a lot of internalized fatphobia, some unhealthy eating habits, and twisted mindsets about eating.
I originally started this blog with the idea it would be more focused on Adenomyosis. But as my condition has progressed over the years, I found I don't enjoy my writing when I'm in the throes of dealing with it all. Not only is the pain distracting and makes it difficult to concentrate, but I just come across sounding like a grumpy, self-deprecating, angry little gnome and/or my self-esteem is so in the toilet that everything I make or do never seems good enough or worthy of posting.
But this last period, I started drafting this list of things I was grateful for instead. And upon re-reading it now when my period is on her way out and the feel-good chemicals are hitting my brain again, I was even able to edit out some of that grumpy gnome who takes over my writing voice.
6 things getting me through this terrible period:
Happy Skate-aversary to me! 2 years ago today I was in a funk I've come to know over the years as March Sucks.
This is the point of the winter when I am just done with blah weather and general busyness with seemingly no end in sight. My Seasonal Affective Disorder is usually at its annual high, and I'm craving any drop of serotonin and/or dopamine I can get, it seems.
Despite being diagnosed with Adenomyosis two years ago and living with it for even longer, sometimes my cramps still take me by surprise. I know to expect them during my period so as soon as PMS sets in, I’m usually ready with my heating pad and CBD. But because Adeno affects the uterus all month long, I tend to feel pain and cramps starting around ovulation and lasting through the rest of my cycle until my period ends.
For those who may be unfamiliar with the female menstrual cycle, that’s about 3 weeks out of the month when my uterus is painful and uncomfortable.
We’ll be getting to know one another over the course of this podcast I hope, and in doing so let me give you a bit of a heads up as to what you can expect. Since this blog and podcast is all about following my own creative whims, I don’t always know what type of blog post or episode I’ll want to write, but I can tell you there will be some recurring themes, topics, and even names mentioned. So before we go further, I’d like to introduce you to a few supporting characters you’ll hear about probably pretty frequently.
CW: DIETING, WEIGHT-LOSS
This post is an excerpt from my journal. I got on the scale to see a higher number than I was used to and I found myself spiraling a bit and letting the Itty Bitty Shitty Committee in my head run amok before finally deciding to journal it out and see if there was a logical explanation and get curious about it.
Some Background: I hosted a weight-loss comedy podcast called Hate to Weight where I lost 100 pounds while working with an eating coach and becoming familiar with intermittent fasting and intuitive eating. The show went on indefinite hiatus a few months into the pandemic because my cohost and I decided to go into maintenance mode, plus our time became more and more limited to work on our own podcast.
Excerpt:
For most of the pandemic, I stayed within a certain weight range and even lost an additional 10 pounds in 2021 without really changing much.
Fast forward to June of 2022 and I found myself this morning on the scale looking at a number about 20 pounds higher than this same time last year.
I'm not reacting very body-positive or body-neutral, which is what I've been trying to shift more toward. But I'm not exactly happy to see a much higher number than I’ve been used to since 2020 either. This is the highest my weight has been in 2 years and I'm having some big feelings I'm working through.
Sometimes I get embarrassed talking about yoga and how much I love it. A lot of people have very strong opinions of yoga I’ve found. I also get a lot of up-and-down looks when I say that I do daily yoga as if someone who does daily yoga should look a certain way, which I do not.
Sometimes people jump to the conclusion that I’m going to talk about how yoga is the be-all, end-all cure for everything. For the record, I try to stay away from that kind of talk about anything — I truly believe people need to search for what works best for them for their health.
NOTE: I am not a doctor or medical professional. I am speaking from my own experience as someone who was diagnosed with Adenomyosis and ADHD. Please see full disclaimer at the bottom of webpage.
Imagine having a tough time with getting things done, and then on top of that, having another condition that actually physically stops you some days.
That’s what it’s like living with ADHD and Adenomyosis. These two conditions aren’t related, as far as I know. But for me, they’re both equally important to consider when it comes to being a mom, running a podcast editing business, and, oh, living in 2021 currently.
If you ever want to literally hear the gears churning in my head, catch me on a day I’ve just had an amazing idea AND can plan it out and brainstorm it to my heart’s content!
With ADHD, this is actually a specialty of mine. I absolutely love that when I get an idea, sometimes it can hit me with such a force that I can pinpoint so many little details and also I’m able to zoom out and see it from a bird’s eye view to know what needs to get done and how. It’s a beautiful thing I credit my ADHD with being able to do.
It's Day 3 of my period. Yesterday it was like a truck hit me. The pain and discomfort is hard to describe, especially to people who've never experienced pain in the uterus before. And the fatigue from being in pain and discomfort is actually one of the most frustrating side-effects of Adenomyosis.
During my period, it’s common for me to wake up feeling like I’m hungover. I don’t drink anymore because I have too many days like this per month that the idea of intentionally doing this kind of damage to myself is not something I like to entertain.
I'm bed with the heating pad and smoking weed to help with stabby cramps around my uterus that stretch around to my lower back and radiate down my legs and up my spine. After having Adenomyosis for so long, I’m oddly used to dealing with pain the week of my period and ovulation, and anything else during the other two weeks of the month is considered a “flare.”
It's been difficult to concentrate when my brain is at least 40% occupied with "What is happening?! We're in pain down where babies come from?! What danger is this?!"
