It's Day 3 of my period. Yesterday it was like a truck hit me. The pain and discomfort is hard to describe, especially to people who've never experienced pain in the uterus before. And the fatigue from being in pain and discomfort is actually one of the most frustrating side-effects of Adenomyosis.
During my period, it’s common for me to wake up feeling like I’m hungover. I don’t drink anymore because I have too many days like this per month that the idea of intentionally doing this kind of damage to myself is not something I like to entertain.
These days I want to sleep late, usually my head aches no matter how much water I drink, I want to be in bed all day, my stomach feels off, my energy is low (iron supplements are necessary), plus my anxiety, distractibility, brain fog from ADHD is intensified. On top of cramps, which sometimes are the least of my problems. Because of Adenomyosis, over-the-counter pain pills don’t do much. I try not to take medications that contain caffeine, which can keep me awake when I really need to sleep.
Caffeine also affects me and can exacerbate my anxiety, especially if I’m already overwhelmed looking at my to-do list for the day and I have to carefully ration my energy. Folks in the chronic illness community like referring to this as The Spoon Theory — your energy is like a finite number of spoons you have for the day and when those spoons run out, that’s it. You have to stop and rest for the day and there’s no powering through.
After years of bad periods, I've gotten used to it. I track my period and the reason I've been able to get so organized with my schedule is because I don't have a choice — when my period hits, I am basically a slave to it. I can't plan to do things because there's a very good chance I won't be able to.
For an introvert who doesn't make a lot of social plans, this isn’t a big deal. My friends know about my condition and understand. But it can make doing my job harder, which is why working for myself is such a blessing. I intentionally set up my business, systems and calendar with my period in mind and I account for days like this.
For the most part, this has worked out well. But I've noticed while some of it can be planned for, I can still be thrown way off track when I get an unexpected Adeno flare — pain and symptoms outside of ovulation or menstruation.
This is one of the reasons I talk about white space being so important in my schedule. Planned white space — because flares will happen. The white space isn't just for the flares, either. I have paid attention to my moods by journaling and tracking so I have a working idea of how my mental health can be affected by a packed schedule.
This has also been good practice for my People-Pleasing side on the importance of saying no to things.
A quote I had a lot of trouble working into my affirmations is: “If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no.” I've seen this attributed to a few people, but most recently I heard Marie Forleo, Alan Cohen, and Brendan Burchard.
When I first heard that, it felt harsh. My People-Pleasing side absolutely hated the idea, in fact. I felt like I had a lot of "maybes" to give away — but when it comes to my ability to do something and my bandwidth to do something are two very different things. If I know I have the skill and knowledge to do the thing being asked of me, I tend to take that into account before and with more priority than if I have the time and capacity to do said thing.
While I am able to do a lot of things asked of me, like speaking for a conference or picking up a new podcast editing client, my time agnosia easily gets in the way and I don't always consider just how long a project will take.
It took a while to admit that gone were the days in my 20s, without kids, and could operate on 3-5 hours of sleep with a hangover easy. No wonder I still hold this impossible image of myself being able to say yes to anything that comes my way.
But then try adding a family, owning a business, maintaining a house, oh, and living in a pandemic. At 38, my ability to drop everything basically doesn't exist like it used to.
As time's gone on, my Adenomyosis has presented itself more and more. And, unfortunately, medical conditions don't take vacations or holidays, and they can't be rescheduled or postponed.
I definitely don't get to say "Hell no" to my pain, as much as I would like to. I have to say "Hell yes" to rest and recovery instead. It’s not a choice really.
It's been a tough transition but has made me realize the importance of prioritizing what's truly important to me — the things I want to make sure I have enough energy for. I want decisions about my time and energy to be as easy as possible.
Now, learning how to say no is still a process I'm learning. While reading the book "Fire the Haters" by Jillian Johnsrud, I've earmarked pages she's listed ways of saying no to people, and I'm not embarrassed to admit that I've definitely Googled rejection letters so I can make sure my wording isn't too harsh.
Sometimes when cramps are at their peak, my ability to form coherent and diplomatic words and phrases is weakened so in the case of a request, my response might be something to the effect of "are you kidding??? I have a bear trap clamped on my insides and I feel like absolute garbage. YOU DO IT!"
Lesson learned — don't be afraid to enlist help in saying no if there's a chance your way might unintentionally burn a bridge you definitely don't want to burn.
Lessons to Take Away
Unexpected Adenomyosis flares can throw a wrench into plans. While not every flare can be predicted, tracking your cycle and symptoms associated with different times of the month can help when making decisions about adding plans and projects to your calendar.
Your health is a priority you don't get to negotiate with. It doesn’t take days off, holidays or vacations.
Learn to say no, and enlist help if necessary. If you’re a People-Pleaser like me, you may want to create a ready-to-go list of diplomatic ways to say no thank you 😉
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