As someone who’s struggled with my weight my whole life, I have had times when I was a slave to the scale and it’s only been recently when I have been able to answer truthfully that I forget to get on the scale unless something feels off.

When I was doing the podcast Hate to Weight and actively pursuing weight loss as a goal, I was stepping on weekly to update my cohost and our audience with my progress. We made it a very big point on the show that the numbers and the scale didn’t matter — that said, it was something my cohost, John, and I both thought was important to talk about on the show since that was our original goal.

John and I haven’t podcasted in over a year and I’ve been in maintenance mode with my weight since the pandemic really went into full swing here in the U.S. in March of 2020. Losing weight while also in Survival Mode seemed like a recipe for burnout and disaster for me. I was at about 90 pounds of weight loss total since starting the show and was so happy to have found Intermittent Fasting as a way to have more control over my tendencies to overeat and mindlessly binge.

Through working with an eating coach, learning more about body positivity, and giving myself grace, I have learned that I can’t bully myself into being healthy or losing weight. I needed to learn the reasons why I did the things I did, the root of the habits I picked up, and the source of the messages I received, and how to verify them for actual accuracy as opposed to judgment.

My husband and I are about to scarf down real New York City pizza for the first time in almost 2 years. Why I decided to step on the scale the day after a big date night in the city is beyond me 😂

All of this has been a process that’s taken years. Through the pandemic, I lost another 10 pounds without trying, and I got to the goal of 100 pounds lost earlier this year. I have a daily movement habit, and I have become much more mindful about what food I choose.

But despite all of those years of inner work so I could love and appreciate the outer-me, there’s still a part of me that gets a ball of dread in my stomach when I think to myself, “Hmm, I’m feeling a bit puffy. Oh, I haven’t gotten on the scale in a while.”

That moment happened last week for me. And you can probably guess the inevitable …

I gained weight. The number on the scale was waaay more than I was expecting.

And do you know what I did? I laughed! I felt a big belly laugh just erupt from within as I saw that number on the scale.

“Oh Emily,” I exclaimed to myself. “You silly goose.”

No one was around, by the way — that’s the thing about being an only child, if I’m left alone, I will inevitably talk out loud to myself and be my own form of entertainment. In this case, I decided to be my own coach and talk myself through the experience.

“First off, let’s go through the number of OBVIOUS reasons the number on the scale is higher than expected: It’s lunchtime and I’ve already eaten today so it’s definitely not going to be the same as an early morning-empty stomach weigh-in. I’m wearing clothing, and not just a shirt and pants, but November-layering, so there’s all the extra clothing to consider, not to mention the boots — that’s like 2 pounds right there! Oh. OH! And I’m pretty sure I’m about to get my period soon.”

Spoiler: I got my period two hours later, of course. I was at my peak for bloating for the month, for sure.

The surging hormones were probably also playing a factor in how quickly I knew I needed to put myself in Curious Coach Mode.

I kept searching for reasons to add to the list. My eating window has felt messed up since switching back from Daylight Saving Time, and I had eaten much later than usual the night before. In fact, I was definitely still feeling the pizza my husband and I had gotten the night before from our favorite New York City spot. We had taken a trip into the city for a concert — our first trip into New York City since before the pandemic began. We definitely enjoyed celebrating with our favorite food.

Because I was going through PMS, I was much more ravenous that week than usual anyway. I was looking for protein and comfort food, and with the colder weather of late autumn, I found myself craving richer and more savory foods.

I had already gotten off the scale by this point. I could feel my brain start to fixate on the number on the scale, even though I was talking myself down. Years ago, this would have started planning ways to over-correct for this. I would have probably restricted my food, planned for more exercise, and thrown out every piece of leftover Halloween candy — another contributor to the higher number on the scale, no doubt.

But instead, I went to my daily to-do list and decided to do some housework to keep active and mentally coach myself some more. While I made my bed and folded some laundry, I reminded myself I was sexy and hot. There was no way any number on the scale could say others.

I reminded myself how awesome and creative my brain was and how good I was at reframing — a fun skill that ADHD gives me that also helps when it comes to changing my perspective on the negative.

I thought about how little my self-worth was based on the number on the scale. That number is just that — a number. An indication of something that doesn’t prove one way or another what kind of human being I was.

And the thought that comforts me the absolute most is the fact that those who mean the most to me don’t care one iota about that number. That number means nothing to them. My kids won’t notice the extra pounds, especially since we try not to talk about weight in the house if we don’t have to. Thinking back to the previous night, I had worn such a rockin’ outfit I normally don’t wear and my husband couldn’t stop complimenting me.

I reminded myself I didn’t gain all the weight overnight. In fact, since I couldn’t remember the last time I was on the scale, who knows how long it took to put it on? That also means it won’t go away overnight, so I’ve long since learned not to put that kind of unhealthy expectation on myself.

Besides, I didn’t gain the kind of weight that would make it so I needed to buy a whole new wardrobe. In fact, most of my clothes still fit just fine — especially the stretchy, oversized, and comfortable sweats I was planning on wearing as soon as my period showed up.

I was very aware in that moment of how much my perspective on my weight and body has evolved over the years and I’m so grateful I did the work because, as Whitney Houston put it beautifully, “learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.”

Some things I find helpful to think about when it comes to stepping on the scale

The number on the scale is not an indication of our worth.
The scale is not a judge of good or bad — your own brain is. Watch out for the messages you may be telling yourself.
The scale is not an indicator of health. How are you FEELING? Losing weight is not the be-all, end-all answer to feeling good or healthy. It can be a very powerful tool, but there are many other areas of our health to consider.
If the number is higher than expected, it doesn’t mean failure; it means it’s time to get curious. It might be time to take stock of diet or lifestyle changes that may have contributed. For me, I know when my weight goes up, it’s usually an indication of something going on with me mentally, since I tend to go to eating more in times of stress.
Forgive yourself. I should put this as the No. 1 thing to do when you step on the scale and it’s a number you aren’t expecting. FORGIVE YOURSELF! As I mentioned, you can’t bully yourself into loving yourself. Give yourself the grace to acknowledge what is and move on.

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