Ghosting — The tactic of just disappearing and never talking to someone again, most often used in romantic situations but can really apply to any abrupt end to communication with another in order to get away.
Microdosing — Taking in small amounts of a drug in order to sample the benefits without too many adverse effects.
I'm personally not a fan of one and the other, well, that's up to you and your doctor. But can I make a case for this ADHD reset I made up called Micro-Ghosting?
As much as I avoid my phone when I’m Micro-Ghosting, I still love grabbing photos from the advenures I take. A lot of times, those are the photos I post to Instagram so I can look at them later and remember
Micro-Ghosting is when you need a consecutive period of time to ignore your phone and communications. It's not quite ghosting, by its commonly accepted definition but it's a temporary reprise from being a responsible adult (OK, there's some responsibility necessary, but I'll get to that in a bit).
I've talked before on my blog about how I have to make sure to keep white space in my schedule for whatever may come up that needs my immediate attention and action. Those are days I have last-minute plans pop up and family emergencies — and as someone in that sandwich generation with young kids and aging parents, those happen fairly often in this particular chapter of my life.
I also intentionally schedule time in my week so that I can take it easy and fill my cup, so to speak. I like to call it "white space," like the empty parts of a layout used by designers so the eyes are naturally drawn to the main concept or text.
I like to use white space as my time to process all the input and stimulus that I may not realize I've been taking in so I can pause and reflect and possibly make a plan to move forward.
It's a reset time for me to remember that I'm not just on this planet as someone's mom or wife or content creator or author or podcaster. It's actually time I can get in touch with the voice you're hearing on this podcast/reading on this blog — the one I sometimes lose when I have to spend a majority of my day cosplaying as a human who knows what she's doing because when you become a parent, you have to take on the role of the most adult-y adult in the house sometimes and all eyes are on you.
And no matter how well you prepare, you will no doubt underestimate the amount of work that goes into that role.
Like many parents — probably many of you — I feel like one of my main roles is being an example to my kids. I hope they grow up to be kind. The more I can show them patience and empathy, the more I hope they can grow up to repeat it.
But the ability and strength to be patient and empathetic in this world right now can sometimes be difficult to muster if I'm trying to pour it from an empty cup.
So I use those pockets of white space to Micro-Ghost in order to fill that cup.
For my friends out there with ADHD like me, I don't know if you've found ever found you need those brain breaks during the day to stare off in the distance and process, but Micro-Ghosting is one of my ways of intentionally giving myself that time and mental space to be able to do that periodically 😉
You can find me Micro-Ghosting while taking a nature walk in the woods or on the rare occasion I can take a scenic drive and blast my favorite playlists. Or really anywhere I have the time and space to let my mind wander and not answer to anyone else.
Another way I like to Micro-Ghost is by walking the mall. I'm still an '80s girl at heart so malls will probably always have that nostalgic appeal for me. Plus, they're a free, climate-controlled place to get a walk in.
Sometimes I'll go early in the morning when the building is open but the stores aren't so I'm not tempted to spend money I don't need to while I'm there.
Lately I’ve been finding myself Micro-Ghosting at my “Agnostic church,” as I call it. It’s a United Unitarian Church that I found by Googling “church for Agnostics” and it’s my once-a-week event I get to go to by myself and enjoy questioning spirituality with others who I don’t have to mask around and who are LGBTQ+-friendly! I get to turn off my phone, listen to some inspiring talks, meditate, sing, and feel like a part of my community — it’s the parts of church I actually enjoyed growing up, without the creeds or specific deities to worship.
Here are some more tips I've found helpful when Micro-Ghosting:
Making connecting with myself is my No. 1 goal for Micro-Ghosting time. I like doing things like movement or journaling when I'm Micro-Ghosting. One thing I find when talking with other parents is the tendency for us to get wrapped up in making sure the needs of our kids and families are met, we forget about our own needs, goals, dreams, ambitions, and the things that make us feel alive and inspire awe for us as individuals. I had a good friend who liked to ask, "How are YOU?" emphasizing the word "YOU" when we spoke or with all caps when we texted. I use that as a journal prompt sometimes too when I've been in Caregiver Mode and I haven't connected with myself in a while.
Letting others know my plans as best I can. Micro-Ghosting isn't the thing you do and apologize for on a regular basis. Some folks may find Micro-Ghosting rude or inconvenient (for them). But I've learned that most of them will understand your need for a break and it really goes a long way to let them know when you'll be available again so they can adjust their expectations.
Micro-Ghosting doesn't have to be elaborate or expensive. One of my clients, a personal finance podcaster, asks her guests "what do you do for fun that doesn't cost any money?" I love hearing her guests' answers because it reminds me that there are so many great hobbies and activities that I can do that don't require me to spend money that bring immediate joy. For me those include journaling, reading, my little nature walks in the woods, yoga and dance. I could say scrolling on my phone and watching creative competition shows, but honestly I find that those activities don't really fill my cup the way creating something or actively participating in an activity.
Knowing my stressors and minimizing screens. I know there are some days where if I check Twitter, there's a very good chance I'm going to scroll and come across something that'll rile me all up. Same with Facebook some days. When I Micro-Ghost, I try to avoid getting sucked into the reactive algorithm of social media. I don't always put Do Not Disturb on, but it's not uncommon for me to leave my phone on another room while Micro-Ghosting.
There's a tendency to start feeling that familiar ADHD-overwhelm when Micro-Ghosting time is over — coincidentally, one of my favorite days to Micro-Ghost is Sunday when most people talk about the Sunday Scaries in anticipation of Monday and the beginning of another workweek. I find one of the best ways to transition from Micro-Ghosting to being a productive member of society again is to start making a plan and preparing for the week.
Speaking of planning ahead, I've talked before about planning my week, and intentionally making sure to keep some white space in my week helps when things get hectic and allow me some breathing room if the planets align for a less hectic day.
Following social media accounts that reminds me to take time for rest and reset, like The Nap Ministry on Instagram. Check out some of their posts that help talk about how it's difficult to effect change in the world when we're not taking time to recharge for the long-term.
And one last note about Micro-Ghosting and Self-Care — it might not come easy at first to allow yourself time to just sit with yourself and just be. For me though, I can say the more I create these pockets of time and allow myself to turn off the demands of the day — even temporarily — I feel like I come back to me and remember who that person is, outside of the demands of the rest of the world.
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